Friday, January 27, 2012

Project Runway...All-Stars? Episode 4

Lets just start by saying this supermodel/host? I still can't remember her name.  In fact, there are three episodes behind us and as far as I know it's been a different woman each week.  She?  Is completely unmemorable.

Diane von Fuerstenberg? 6 hour challenge?  Before we get going I'm wondering if I should do an over/under on how many times Diane's "iconic wrap dress" will be mentioned?  If Tim were here?  It would have made for an epic drinking game. JC? I'm not sure.  How they'll even work in a visit from JC in a 6 hour challenge will be interesting... I picture much growling and "no comment" attitude from the designers Who has the time?

So, lets go.

Episode called Good Taste, Tastes Good.
Side note: When they scan the contestants? Good LORD Rami is a beautiful human being. He is swoon worthy.  Anyway....
Inspired by colors and flavors of gelato.
OK, is Kara complaining about getting THE COLOR I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BEGIN WITH? That color is fab - she's going to have so many fabric choices to work with, I can't even believe she's unhappy with this. She is so going home this episode.
Diane von Fuerstenberg comes out wearing Rami's kiwi color.  LOL.

OK, so they don't have to be inspired by Diane von Feurstenberg's designs, so that is a bonus - I'm still betting someone makes a wrap dress.

(And the host?  Isn't very blond this week.  Same girl?)

You gotta love Kenley's honesty, "I'm not going to try anything new or take major risks..." which sort of sums up her entire design philosophy, non?

Mondo got cantaloupe? And all I see is green... hmmm. Still, not worried. I'm on Mondo for the season win.


AND here comes Joanna Coles.   She hands out gelato to the designers. She's sort of brutal. Nice, but brutal.  (Oh snap! WRAP DRESS reference.  And she sort of accused Rami of being a suck up. I LIKE her!)  We actually get to see her talk to almost all of them very very quickly, which I sort of like instead of just seeing longer versions of just a few.  The editing fits with the challenge of "very fast".  I think the only ones we didn't see her talking to are Kenley and Jerell?

Followed by the model fitting - where we get to see them make catty remarks about each others work.  LOVE LOVE LOVE! Austin is shamed by his use of a glue gun, Mila doesn't "get" Passion fruit from Kenley, Mila thinks Rami's look "is of questionable taste." (Wow, Mila has a lot of opinions. You'd never guess that by her SAME DAMN DESIGN AESTHETIC EVERY SINGLE WEEK creations.)  Anthony gives a backhanded compliment regarding Mondo's caftan, April basically calls her model fat by mentioning how, because she had to add two triangle panels, now she is running short on fabric. (ouch.) Jerell calls out half the designers on being slow workers, Austin is flashing the "look of death" regarding Kara actually using the serger instead of anticipating Austin's needs like some sort of gypsy mind reader (although, lets be honest.... there is usually a little carnival worker in Kara's presentation.)

Wait - the models are coming back in... is the Runway the same day?  Maybe. 

Kenley's dress looks like something I'd buy from Gymboree for school picture day.  I wonder if it will look like that when it's accessorized?  Jerell likes Mondo's caftan, and Kara is still ripping fabric in the corner.  Ummmm, Rami's shirt looks like crap, but the shoes from the (shout out) Neiman Marcus wall of treasures are very nice.  They're all shopping like crazy over there - because they'll need to go heavy on accessories to distract from all those glued seams and uneven hemlines. 

I almost wish, since the making of the garment was so short, that hair and makeup had to be rushed too.  Like 15 minutes for hair and 10 minutes for makeup per girl... seems more in keeping with the theme.  (Plus?  Bwahahaha on what they'd look like.)

Jarell, who made a maternity gown for the Opera challenge? Just said Kara's dress made her rail thin model look like a pregnant cupcake. Pot, kettle - you do the math.

RUNWAY!!!  Hey look - I think that's a new host! 
Judges include this new host, Mrs. Weinstein, Isaac, DVF, and Miranda Kerr.  (Why have an extra guest judge? Did someone owe her agent a favor?) 

Mondo - It's pretty.  It's really pretty.  It moves, the colors are amazing together - he's so great!

Anthony - I think the top is really cool, and the skirt is cute. I don't LOVE them together, but it fits Green Tea.

Kenley - Gymboree. I think my daughter had that dress when she was 4.  I may have bought it off the sale rack. 

Rami - I don't want to hate this, I really don't... but I also don't really have a choice.

Mila - This looks like somebody layered a couple of their older brother's mesh hockey sweaters and belted them.  Are you freaking kidding me?

Jerell - Bondage Bohemian is now a look!  (I don't hate this, I really like his fabrics)

Kara - yes, because "Chocolate Cayenne" is often represented BY THE COLOR WHITE. You freaking mess... are you kidding me?  Jarell is right, this looks like frosting on a cupcake.  GONE.

Michael - from the "Bea Arthur Mother of the Bride" collection, we have a soft pink satin number.  My God, Michael.  I can almost smell the 'Shalimar' scent of that dress from here.

April - I don't like it.  I think the colors are pretty, but did she just invent the "booty skirt"??

Austin - Unless this is ugly in person and they can tell there are hot glue strings all over it?  He's in the top three with this one.

They call Austin, Rami, Jerell, Kenley - CONGRATULATIONS!  You are safe!  Really?  OK.

Leaving Kara, Anthony, Mila, Michael, April, and Mondo.  This? Should be good.

Kara: Kara's trying to represent flavors and feelings of her flavor. Mrs. Weinstein doesn't feel Kara's passion, TWH (This Week's Host) doesn't feel the passion, Miranda doesn't like the ruffles, Diane calls her out on it not being flattering - at which point Georgina (because you know SHE is a designer too) has to put in her 2 cents. Please, let the legend finish her sentence. Issac, so cute.  "The minute the word 'pregnant' comes up you know you've missed."

Anthony: He was inspired by his green tea gelato melting over his hand. Isaac likes the dress much more after he learns that. TWH thinks the design is too conceptual, Diane likes the skirt and the fact that you can see that it melts, Mrs. Weinstein doesn't like the back panels (Mrs. Weinstein? Is right.), Miranda agrees with the above.

Mila: She wanted to create something that evokes the color and flavor of milk, not the cherry in her gelato.  Isaac thinks this looks like cherry ice cream so clearly, TWH agrees, Diane likes it except for the fact that it looks rushed, Mrs. Weinstein isn't crazy about the design, Miranda thinks it looks easy to wear.  How does NO ONE notice that this is a belted hockey sweater?? Mila is going to make freaking top three.  Really?

Michael: he wanted to do something he could finish, and something beautiful.  Isaac loves the dress, but the color isn't quite tart enough for him. Mrs. Weinstein doesn't like the color.  Diane loves the dress, she likes the way it is draped and fluid... and just said, "Michael, you gotta call me after the show."  OMG - I still think it looks Old Lady - but GO MICHAEL!! 

April: She wanted to create something light like the gelato.  Ummm, strike one.  Mrs. Weinstein likes the colors, but thinks the corset was too ambitious. Isaac just, very nicely, told her basically that her styling sucks... but thought the dress made an impact.  Diane reads 'Halloween spider' from this look. TWH said that April has very interesting ideas, but it doesn't translate well, and Miranda likes the dress better without the belt.

Mondo: his lose interpretation of a cantaloupe. Diane thinks it's great.  Miranda thinks the back is to die for.  Mrs. Weinstein says that these colors and fabrics shouldn't go together - but they do, and I think she is baffled by how he did that.  TWH likes that the caftan flatters the figure, not crazy about the orange. Isaac thinks the back saves it, he'd like to have seen more of her body.

From these comments I'm guessing that top two are Mila and Micheal, with the Bea Arthur gown taking the win.  I'm guessing the bottom two are Kara and April... and I hope to God it's Kara that goes home - but I'm afraid it's going to be April. 

Diliberation of the Judges:
Who didn't they like? Start with Anthony. They don't love it. Kara, her interpretation was too literal. Dress wasn't flattering. April, the colors were pretty but needs more confidence as her look was a little too much Halloween - but at the same time? Not enough Halloween. Wha?

Who did they like? Michael. They thought this was beautiful, but there is something just a tiny bit off for each of them.  Mila, it was Isaac's favorite dress.  Mondo.  They did like this, everyone seems to like it.  It's between Mondo and Michael.  I am ECSTATIC that Mila isn't top two.  Freaking hockey sweater sweeping down the runway.

***
Congratulations to...Michael.  Who is SHOCKED.
Goodbye to... April.  Awww, man.  I like April.  I think she's so much better than that dress she showed today.

Next week?  Picking up people in the park. Awesome.
All photos from Lifetime's Project Runway All Star's Rate the Runway.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Project Runway... All-Stars? Episode 3

Really? Didn't know if this show was going to be blogworthy, but after the second episode I knew I had to jump in there.  New host, mentor, and judges?  Yay! 

Lets take a look at the designtestants:

Anthony Williams, Season 7, final finish? 5th.  Don't get me wrong, I like Anthony. He cracks me up! But he was eliminated twice during season 7.  I assume he's here because he's a fan favorite, and I'm glad of that. 

April Johnson, Season 8, final finish? 5th. I liked April... I did.  A 5th place finish isn't SO horrible here, as there were 17 contestants that season.  Top 1/3 of the class, she's in the right place.  (But what happened to her hair?)

Austin Scarlet, Season 1, final finish? 4th.  WHERE HE WAS ROBBED, because Wendy? Bitch, please.  No.  Austin should have been on that runway, not Wendy.  In my book Austin was top 3.  Yes, an All-Star.  (Frankly?  I'm a little surprised Austin took this gig.)

Elisa Jimenez, Season 4, final finish? 10th. Tenth? Frankly, 10th place was a gift as Jack would have kicked her ass down to 11th if he hasn't gotten a mersa infection and had to withdraw himself from the competition.  Bottom third of the class does not an All-Star make. What the hell is she doing here, was Dancing With The Stars full up?  There is good news: She was the first eliminated from the All-Star parade... to the surprise of nobody.

Gordana Gehlhausen, Season 6, final finish? 4th.  And really, she was a better designer than Althea, which takes her up to 3rd.  She should be here, and she's very, very good. Besides, I love her accent.

Jerell Scott, Season 5, final finish? 4th.  This seems to be a running placement for qualification, there are a lot of 4th place finishers.  Granted, he was 4th behind Kenley... so, you know.... ewww.  Jerell is totally fun, and I really liked when he told Kenley that her outfit was all "hip hop", when actually it was all "white girl at the 2nd rate mall". 

Kara Janx, Season 2, final finish?  Hmmm, 4th?  Should have been 5th - because no WAY this chick actually beat out Nick, right?  Judges were totally high. Still, 5th would have been a decent showing.  She'll be out early though.  No way she gets through episode 5 alive.

Kenley Collins, Season 5, final finish? Gifted with a 3rd place finish. I think the 50's prom dresses are going to get old very quickly. Also? I wonder which episode we see her turn in the overconfident bitch we all know and don't really at all love.

Michael Costello, Season 8, final finish? 4th. I love Michael. I love everything about him, but what I especially love is that he beat Ivy's ass and she was LIVID.  Go Michael! All-Stars could go very well for Michael if they give him the right challenges.

Mila Hermanovski, Season 7, final finish? A well deserved 3rd. I didn't love Mila's work, but I appreciated it. She could actually go a long way in All-Stars.

Mondo Guerra, Season 8, final finish? 2nd. ROBBED. Everyone who watched Season 8 knows that Mondo should have been the winner over Gretchen. It was the worst decision I think they've ever made on the final runway - and it made me really mad. If I had to pick a winner at the beginning of this season?  Mondo for the win. (I'm a Denver girl, come on!)

Rami Kashou, Season 4, final finish? 2nd. Against Christian Siriano. Had Christian not been there? Rami would have RUN AWAY with that season. He's fab - but Christian Siriano is probably the best designer that has ever been on Project Runway. Rami will be Mondo's #1 competition.

Sweet P, Season 4, final finish? 5th. I'm not a fan of Sweet P as a designer. I AM a fan of the woman she is - she's sincere and funny and such a "girlfriend." She's be so much fun to have coffee with, but I wasn't really surprised that she was 2nd out. I'm sorry, Sweet P, I really would love to hang out with you, though. 

****
I think Elisa was put in to the competition so that they could kick someone off pretty easily and not feel bad (first one out is such an ego blow).  You cannot keep someone around who "blesses" things by spitting on them. Not during cold and flu season. And I was really very sure that Kara would go before Sweet P - but I was wrong.  So by the time I start blogging the season, Elisa and Sweet P are already gone.  Neither one of them was going to make it too far - but Kara's dress was uglier. Just sayin.

OK, and can I just stop and say HOLY COW to Mondo's and Rami's creations on the first challenge?

2nd Challenge, A Night At The Opera.  Kenley created a prom dress (wow. Nobody but Miley Cyrus was going to look at that gown and think "Opera",and that's because Miley would be thinking "Opry"), and Jerel, Kara, and Sweet P looked like they created maternity dresses. Not one of them successfully hit that empire waistline correctly - which made those skinny models look like balloons on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade route. Is this a look now? Please don't tell me that this is a look now. Michael had a super beautiful showing, as did Mondo. Austin's gown was the winner - but I sort of expect more from Austin than this. He IS gowns. I believe there are actually Oscar dresses coursing through his veins... and this was just a not enough. Rami's color was gorgeous, but the design didn't really work for me. 

3rd Challenge?  Designing for Miss Piggy.
Let's get started!
OK, they all see Miss Piggy, and they're all acting like it's such a fun idea.  NOT. 
OH WAIT - Miss Piggy will be judging.  LOL. 

$150 and just one short day.  Yikes!

(Do you love that they are talking about Miss Piggy like she is an actual person?)

I'd put her in brown, as I LOVE pink and brown together. Sort of a rich brown take on the little black dress - Audrey Hepburn style. But there seems to be a lot of black and pink going on. What a surprise, Mila is going for a 60's vibe. Can she DO anything else? 
Kara and Mondo fighting over gloves.  Kara should just give it up.
OK, enough of that.  She's made Mondo mad, so the gloves will be off so to speak. 

Love the mentor visit!  Good old Joanna Coles. Starting with Gordana  She wants to show off Piggy's legs, deciding chic, girly, carefree. Joanna gets a nightgown vibe.  "This is going to be comfortable for her".  (Reminder: She's a PUPPET.)

Mila next. Joanna is in to the mod vibe.  Did these judges NOT watch the previous seasons - because Mila hasn't advanced her vision one iota in three years.  Joanna cautions her to be careful regarding a headband, because she doesn't want to impare her hearing.  (Ummm, again... PUPPET?)

Kenley's turn.  "How does a pig feel about wearing a giraffe print?"  (OK, clearly medication is needed, for they ALL seem to thing that Miss Piggy is real.)

Austin. Austin "feels he understands Miss Piggy. In many ways we are kindred spirits."  Really Austin?  Because Miss Piggy isn't REAL. There is a guy named Eric Jacobson who's got his hand up her ass making her move and talk. Wait, maybe there is something to that whole "kindred spirits" thing? Joanna is not convinced of the vision. (And I'm not convinced of his sanity.)

Mondo's concept is to give her something from from her childhood, because she brought so much joy to his childhood.  He is assuming she was born in the 60's.  I believe we all know she'd take offense to that assumption? (Oh, I so want him to tell the Pig that she looks like she's FIRMLY in her 40's!)

Time to call it a night.  You know they'll have like 20 minutes in the morning, mad dash to clothe the pig.

Runway day!
Everyone does seem excited to meet Miss Piggy.  (The clips they've shown of the judging don't look so positive!)

The Judges:
Angela Linvall (host)
Georgina Chapman (designer)
Eric Daman (stylist, sitting in for Isaac Mizrahi)
Miss Piggy (client)

My impression:
Michael's dress, I don't love the fabric, but the bow thing on the shoulder seems very Miss Piggy.
April's dress, Cute.
Jerell's dress, I hate this.
Kara, Actually turned out much better than I anticipated, with Mondo's gloves and Austin's shoes to complete the look.
Kenley.  Ummm, I don't like this, but the judges? Might.
Anthony's dress. Its a pretty dress, but I don't see it on Miss Piggy at all.
Rami's dress, to me?  SPOT ON.  It's animated and fun, and not something a real person could ever really wear... because she ISN'T REAL, this is it for me.
Mila's dress looks like everything Mila always makes. Could Miss Piggy pull it off?  Sure, but so could I.
Gordana'd dress.  Actually, the neckline is SO right for this challenge.
Austin's creation... That dress is not going to place top three.
Mondo. I think the dress is OK, the styling is not good. 

Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila, Michael.  Top three and bottom three.  Everyone else is safe.



Austin:
Georgina - beautifully constructed, but the colors aren't happy.
Eric - hates the bows.
Angela - proportion is thrown off.
Piggy - "Can you hula hoop in that dress?"


***

Rami:
Georgina - he went fresh, had a little wink to it.
Eric - fun fun fun Parisian Hog Couture.
Piggy - garish, outlandish, ridiculous, and she LOVES It!

***

Gordana:
Angela - Pretty dress, but understated.
Georgina - doesn't quite fit.
Piggy - fine dress, doesn't know if it's "moi"

***

Michael:
Georgina - likes that it has an air of sophistication
Angela - should have been more pink?
Piggy - Would make her feel like a present for Kermie.

***

Mila:
Georgina - color would have been better for photographs
Eric - wanted color.
Piggy - doesn't SCREAM Miss Piggy, it whispers it.

***

Kenley:
Georgina - color was great, doesn't like the top.
Eric - whimsical, likes the print.
Piggy - does like the hat, because after the event she could take it home to clean her pots and pans.

OK, they start with the ones they hated... Austin!  Bwahahaha! Nobody liked this one.  Mila's dress, which brought up Wednesday Addams comments.  Oops.  Gordana.  Boring, won't flatter the pig.

Who did they like?  Kenley; Piggy doesn't like the idea of a Pink Giraffe.  "I'm not sure what that says."  I'm not either!  Rami;  THIS DRESS IS THE BOMB.  Whimsical, fantastic.  Michael; Except for the styling, the color and the hat, they liked the the dress itself.  Not the winner, clearly.


So WHO WON?
Rami!  NO????? What? Michael??? Who the f*** would pick Michael's dress over Rami's??  I demand a recount... This is simply wrong.  Project runway?  I'm keeping count here... this is one in the lose column for you.

Who's gone?
Gordana.  Which means I cannot believe that KARA outlasted Gordana.  Are you kidding me? 

So, what's up next week? Diane von Furstenberg gives them a 6 hour challenge. I'm personally hoping for a bench clearing brawl over the accessory wall!

***All pictures from: PROJECT RUNWAY ALL STARS, EPISODE 3, RATE THE RUNWAY***

Friday, January 15, 2010

Project Runway, "Back to New York"

Here we go! Starting with first impressions:

Seth Aaron. Wants to be Tom Ford. Not with those socks, honey.
Jeneane. From Portland. "Dorking out to be here." Dorking out in general. OH GOD, is she already crying? Auf!
Ping. She is a physical therapist. Talks about her clothes liberating the body movement. Michael Kors doesn't care about liberating the body movement, Michael Kors wants to see hot girl fashion - even if it hurts.
Ben. Likes cartoon characters and anime. He seems immature.
Anthony. Grew up in Birmingham, immediately points out he's gay. He's heavy for a fabulous gay man, right? He's also a pageant gown designer, which means he's got half a season in him at most.
Jay. From San Francisco. Doesn't want to get rich doing this, designs for the love. That will sound poignant during his exit speech.
Pamela. Worked in advertising, and said she went as high as a she wanted to go before deciding she needed another challenge. Does not say what her top position was - did she get any higher than sales admin? How do we REALLY know she's as driven as she says?
Anna Marie. Ohhh, a new grad. She's in with the sharks, I hope they don't eat her alive.
Johathan. He's an "animal" about design. Wants to find where gritty meets pretty. Don't you need neck tattoos for that to be your aesthetic?
Jesse. He's Jack Sparrow! He worked at Disney World and is self taught. Being "self taught" never successful on this show.
Mila. Tells us that she took a break from fashion design to work as a costume designer for film and television. How is that not being a fashion designer?
Maya. Likes punk rock, and is seen in the pictures modeling all of her own stuff. She likes vinyl and is into retro - oh no... Kenley? Is that you?
Christiane. She likes layers and colors. Grew up in (on?) the Ivory Coast. She is confidant.
Jesus. He's ready, he's young, he's CONFIDANT!
Emilio. He works in costume design, which he does think is fashion. I wonder if he and Mila will clash over this?
Amy. Loves innovation and being different. Has good hair.

So, to sum up my first impressions? Bangs are back. Oh, and the girl that cried very first thing? She'll never make it. Plus, where is the straight guy? There's always a straight guy, and usually he tells us in his intro that he has 'the hots' for Heidi so we KNOW he's straight. Did I miss him this time?

It's time for the rooftop Champagne, welcome welcome welcome! Tim announces they will meet tomorrow morning in Central Park to receive the details of their first challenge. Central Park is a big place, I hope they can find him.

*******

Central park the next morning is alive with fabrics. (Thank you Mood!) They will pick fabrics and construct an outfit that defines themselves as a designer. Tim announces they have three minutes to grab the fabrics, and they start to panic. People! It isn't like Mood hung the fabrics from the branches of trees over an acre of land... they're all right there! Turn around and grab a couple that go together. Really? This is hard for you? Stop looking at Tim, start looking at the fabrics and which one you want to run for.

OK, PHEW. That was so hard. (Not really.) They seem to be having fun, and Tim tells them that being a fashion designer means being able to edit - so edit yourself to five fabrics. Again, they think this is very difficult. It can't be that hard to pick out the ugliest two or three selections, right? (However, as stated off to the right - I am COMPLETELY untrained and unqualified to be commenting on things like this. Maybe finding ugly fabric for a designer is like finding a needle in a haystack for us regular folk. Maybe they see potential in everything, oh EXCEPT FOR THAT BIRD PRINT. Whoever you are? PUT IT DOWN NOW! Nothing good can come from that!) OK, Ping is hilarious! I'm liking her.

Sidenote: Oh, snap! Seth's commentary - did you see it? Are you seeing Seth? Doesn't he look like Gabriel Byrne? If Season 7 is ever made in to a movie, they've GOT to get Gabriel Byrne to play Seth. And, David Allen Grier must play Anthony - ala Antoine Merryweather, remember that character? From Blaine and Antoine? They were the main reason to watch "In Living Color".

Back in the workroom and we have our first major product placement of the season. (other than the Brother Sewing machines... I always thought they sewed on the same machines that the Parsons students sewed on?) HP has provided Touch Smart Notebooks. Digital sketch pads! (Do they get to keep them?) Tim announces that they have until midnight tonight and a tiny bit of time tomorrow to finish, and winner will have immunity. They have their models' measurements on a card, so start sewing.

I'm going to skip most of the designer commentary... first week isn't usually important - and really until we get down to 8 or 10 designers we don't want to get too attached. I'm going directly to Tim's workroom consultations/commentary... and I'll be acting as Tim's interpreter for you.

Tim starts with Christiane: "Talk to me..." Christiane is making a dress, which is "what (she) does best." She's worried that it isn't 'out there' enough. Tim cautions her, "You need to ask yourself whether not having something hurts it." Interpretation: "That dress is a beast, and do you have time to make a jacket to cover up the hideousness of that mess?"

Tim moves to Ping: "Ping, are you cold, you're all enshrouded." "This is your look?" "Doing it on you, does it allow you to be objective?" Interpretation: "Ping, I take delight in the wondrously, epically unbalanced elderly woman you will be someday. Really... I hope you send pictures."

"Seth Aaron, How confidant are you in this zipper?" "It's cartoonish." Seth defends his idea. Interpretation: "Seth Aaron, I'm not sure even Judy Jetson wants the atrocity of her zipper showing, although it is unusual and the judges might just like it. Are you sure you can pull this off?"

Tim to Jeneane, "Talk to me..." Jeneane explains "this is my little black dress" Tim, "Here's my difficulty, this fabric shows EVERYTHING. I'm so distracted by how it puckers and how those seams don't lay flat..." "Clean it up as much as you can." Interpretation: "Wow, this is bad. This is garbage. Really, so very awful. It's so poorly made I can't even see through the flaws to notice it's black. Nina will rip this apart - you cannot send this down the runway."

Tim's next question? "How's Anthony doing?" Anthony answers, but Tim clearly isn't listening, he's checking out the garment. "Talk to me..." Anthony mentions that his garment, "isn't working for me." Tim replies, "It isn't working for me either." He then picks up a piece of Anthony's material, "This is the starring actor, why would you introduce a poor supporting player?" Anthony's answer cracked Tim up... no interpretation necessary - Anthony gets it.

Moving on to Jesus: "Is this a 'need' to put the seam in here, or is it a design plan." Interpretation: "They will so call you out on this prominent addition of length. You should have left it short. You will be in the bottom three with this seam."

Emilio's turn: Tim says, "Alright, I have one comment to make. I'm just looking at a top that is still very unfinished. We've never had anyone in the whole history of the show just not finish. Ever." Emilio starts to panic, as his skirt is still in pieces on the table. Interpretation: "Stop working on the top and get a bottom on this dress. Now. Not in 10 minutes... NOW. Nobody will notice that is a fabulous top if she's showing her woo-hoo on the runway."

(That is the end of what we get to see of Tim's consultations. Look for the above players to be the top three and bottom three.) We now see the designers scurry around to finish before midnight... Tim's visit generally has that effect. Jeneane is starting over, with two hours to go.
I cannot wait to see what the judges have to say!

*******

RUNWAY DAY:
One hour to send their models through the Garnier hair and L'oreal make-up rooms, remember - they have to do their final fittings also. One hour is not much. They all have so much to do still, how do we not see contestants pass out at this point?

TIME FOR THE RUNWAY!!! I can't believe how cute Heidi looks pregnant - there is no way I could have carried off that shade of green at any time during any of my pregnancies. Snaps for Heidi! She's so amazing. Plus? I'm glad to see Nina and Michael made it for the judging. One of the reasons I didn't like Season 6 so much was the lack of Nina and Michael. I missed their commentary, they bring a lot to the table. Our guest judge this week is Nicole Ritchie! I've grown to really admire this young lady, she's doing great things with her life - ever since she lost that albatross named Paris she's had success written all over her.

(I'm not going to post pictures this early in the season - too many designers!)

We'll skip to the final "best and worst", as the following designers scored enough on their designs to be "safe" this week; Amy, Anna, Ben, Jeneane, Jay, Jesse, Jonathan, Maya, Mila & Pamela.

The remaining designers have the best and the worst designs. The judges need to talk to them about their designs:

Anthony wanted to design something different.
Heidi likes the bottom , but not the top.
Michael thinks it looks like he glued a few different dresses together, and thinks the average woman won't want that extra appendage on their hip.
Nina's biggest problem is that the fabric doesn't fit the silhouette. (That's Nina's biggest problem?)
Nicole thinks the back is a mess, too short & too tight... but likes the dress.

Seth Aaron, calls his dress "Little Tokyo". (OK, sidenote: if Gabriel Byrne is not available to play Seth in the movie version of Season 7? Wayne Newton already has the same wardrobe as Seth - he can do it.)
Nicole thinks everything works.
Heidi thinks it's fun.
Nina appreciated the back.
Michael thinks lots of young girls would love to own this.

Ping wants the fabric to look like fabric. When you move the shape and form change.
Nicole said it did grab her attention, this piece would work well in a fashion show.
Nina doesn't think this has enough hanger appeal.
Michael thinks this is a great opening project.

Jesus wanted to show a woman's body in an evening gown.
Heidi doesn't think it works. She noticed the seam where length was added.
Michael thinks it looks like a large crocodile trunk exploded on an evening gown.
Nina likens it to a gigantic chocolate bar.
Nicole sees potential if he had put more thought in to it.

Christiane wanted elegant, sexy, layers and textures.
Nina likes the draping, but not the fabrics. Badly made.
Michael thinks the draping works... but not really.

Emilio wanted to make a young, fresh cocktail dress, showcasing the interesting fabric.
Michael likes that is is deceptively simple. LOVES the detailing.
Heidi asks about the workmanship.
Nina appreciates the technical work, and thinks it has hanger appeal.
Nicole thinks it is fun and sexy at the same time, she thinks it was a great choice.

Now the judges chat.
Anthony, they don't like.
Christiane, they don't like. Unsophisticated.
Jesus, they didn't HATE, but it didn't work.
Seth Aaron, they are intrigued, they liked the styling and all of it.
Emilio, beautiful dress, love the cut, a success, only Heidi didn't 100% love.
Ping, very unusual, it was a favorite and it did stand out.


Emilio, Congratulations! You are the winner of this challenge.

Christiane, you are out. Auf wiedersehen.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Project Runway Season 7

I didn't love Season 6, I didn't recap Season 6. I felt like Season 6 didn't live up to the Project Runway experience that we have come to expect. I didn't plan on not blogging Season 6, but after the first two episodes I recognized there wouldn't be any point. There really wasn't much to work with. (Ummm, the first challenge had Lindsay Lohan as a guest judge. That seemed like a good idea to them?)

Where were the unforgettable characters in Season 6? Who was to be the next Austin, Santino, or WENDY? (Wendy pacing the sidewalk at the end of the first year, talking to herself? Come on - brilliant.) Where were the quirky designers we had grown to know and love? Kara's fleurchons, Kenley's stupid hats, Christian's hair, Jeffrey's neck tattoo? Please tell me that the Samantha Ronson doppelganger wasn't supposed to be it for last season - as she wasn't even there long enough that I remember her name.

Plus? Where the hell were Michael and Nina? I don't want judging without Michael and Nina! Enough with the guest judges - they make a fine addition to the show, but as replacements left me feeling cheated.

I'm going to be recapping this time, and I hope it's back to the old quality standards for the show. They're back in NY, so it's looking up already. I LOVE Project Runway - and have high hopes for it's illustrious return to being one of the greatest reality tv shows out there. It's just more fun that way!

It starts tonight... ready? Set? Go!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Design Star Recap, FINALE!

OK, I wrote this on Monday - and haven't found time to search out pictures yet. I'm posting sans pics - or I'll never get this thing up!)

Welcome to the final Design Star recap for the season. Tonight we feature the wrong two designers competing for the prize.

Antonio was destined for a spot in the final two. He was the only one that had his own niche from the beginning - he stood out in that crowd, visually if nothing else. The other men in the group? Gay designers. Were they good? Yes, some of them were very good - but all were what we expected. The ladies in the group? Well, there were a couple of good ones, and others that were just women who were artists and decorators because they thought they had impeccable taste. I think among the women this year there wasn't a serious "designer" among the lot... although there were some good decorators in there.

Why do I think the wrong two ended up here this week? Simply put, because Dan should have been cancelled on the backyard challenge. He's the one that took them way off budget, he's the one that lied about it, and if Torie had made a stink about this during elimination the judges would have to have given it serious consideration. Maybe Torie did make a stink, maybe it was edited out so they could keep Dan in the race - - because let's face it, if they HAD cut Dan when they should have they could have simply given Antonio the television contract right then and there, as there was no way Lonni or Torie were going to beat him. So, my thinking is that Dan should have been cut during the backyard challenge, which would have left Antonio, Torie, and Lonni for the celebrity challenge. Antonio still would have won this challenge (although I found his design sort of mainstream)... and I'm pretty sure that Lonni's room would have come in second. (It is wrong to punish her for her focal wall ideas. They are her "thing"... and they WORK - what is wrong with having a signature move?) I still think that her elegant guest room was a better finished room than the nursery Dan did... and I know that Dan is greater than Torie as a designer, and Lonni would have then won because Torie wasn't as good at presenting. (Dan could also have been knocked out over the celebrity challenge, but I think the judges knew it would be a better final show with Dan than with Lonni.) In my opinion, the finale should feature Antonio and Lonni.

However, I am not - as I stated in my "about me" - even remotely qualified to comment on this kind of stuff... so what do I know?

On to David vs. Goliath, I mean Dan vs. Antonio.

We open NOT with Dan in the bedroom, but after elimination last week. Clive (Pearse. Just Pearse. It's never in a million years going to turn out to be the sexy Clive Owen, so I just need to get over it) tells them about their big, huge, throwdown final challenge. They each get a house where they will redo a living room two bedrooms, and a kitchen. They are appropriately flabbergasted (gob smacked for my UK fans, who haven't found me yet - but I'm sure they will someday when they run this show across the pond). They have 44 hours over 4 days, assistance of a team of carpenters and $50,000.00 to complete the challenge. Sears is also throwing in appliances and electronics (Go SEARS!!!!!), and Lumber Liquidators will provide flooring. That helps out the budget by about $10K yes?

Ready? Set? GO!

They get to meet the families that night.

Antonio gets the Starr family. Mom likes splashes of color. She isn't in love with her kitchen - no counter space - wants it light and airy with contrast. They have the most boring bedroom I've ever seen and the layout is tough.

Dan gets the Goldberg family. Mom is getting divorced, and they are looking for a new beginning. A home for the two of them to continue on. I like her, she's pretty funny, making a joke about the kitchen / laundry room. Daughter's bedroom is way little girl, needs to grow up. The master bedroom is bad.

OK, Good Night to the clients.

Dan says out loud that he sees his house as being a fairly feminine space. Really Dan? Because you're designing for two girls. Dan may announce later in the show that the sky is blue.

Antonio is concerned about the flow. See, that is more "design" work like I expect during a challenge like this. (although I predict he's going to blow the kids room, sort of by overlooking it? I'm not sure yet.)

DAY ONE:

Dan waxes poetic about Spring representing new beginnings. It's nice.

Antonio is pondering how to change the layout of that house to work better for the clients. He could use a little more warm fuzzy.

They both meet the crews, and it's going to work well.

OK, both kitchens are horrible. What are builders thinking when they design kitchens like that? Dan could throw up in his kitchen and it would look better than it does right now. Did you see those skinny cabinets they put on the bottom? They used upper cabinets as base cabinets. Bwa Ha Ha! How that house ever sold is a mystery.

Basically we're just going though the houses with the crews, outlining the basic plans for demo and reconstruction. The carpenters will demo while the designers shop.

Pick out cabinets.
Then to SEARS for appliances. (Go SEARS!) Dan's soliloquie about Sears is basically a paint commercial. Did you know you could buy paint at Sears? I didn't. Antonio also waxes about the paint. (Sears executives comment; "Push the paint.")
Dan is getting a print done for the ladies' house that will be sweet.

Back at the neighborhood, the houses are unrecognizable. Good job un-named carpentry guys! This works so much better than bringing former contestants to help. Qualified help? What a wonderful idea! (Seriously, Antonio would have blown an artery if his "carpentry crew" had been Nathan, Tashica, Jason, and Torie - right?)

DAY TWO:

More carpentry, more shopping.
Hate the back splash tile Dan is looking at, but his cabinets are pretty awesome.
Too bad Antonio doesn't have time to really re-do that master bathroom. I think it could be much cooler if he did that.

DAY THREE:
Carpentry and Shopping? Don't mind if we do!
We're starting to see projects coming together. It looks like Dan's back splash is finished... and I don't like it.
Antonio is dealing with some ugly paint in the kitchen, but can I tell you how wonderful it is that he used beadboard? LOVE beadboard!

(Do you guys watch the commercials they play during broadcast? What would that girl, Tattiana of the Property Shop, look like with her hair straightened? It would totally change her look. And? Mike Aubrey from "Real Estate Intervention"? So sexy. Such a crush on him. The voice, the way he moves... it works.)

Back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

DAY FOUR:
The day of chaos. 11 hours left, 24 hours worth of work left (always).

Antonio decides to repaint the kitchen. MUCH better.
Dan has to modify the cabinet for washer dryer. LOVE his cabinetry.
Think the Moroccan cabinet that Antonio chose is going to impress the judges. Who wouldn't want that?
The guys go shopping.
Dan's print of Jackie and Gail is a lovely idea.
Antonio's stars in Mile's room will be cute.
Dan is mirror crazy this episode.
Love the panic when they load in the room.
Antonio's master bedroom bedding is BEAUTIFUL! Where did he get that???

FINISHED! They should be really proud of themselves, they each just redid a house in four days. Four. Incredible.

ELIMINATION time.

Clive, blah blah blah, it's a good thing you have an accent or I couldn't listen to any more of this. Get on with it.

****

Dan, please step forward.
Inspired by Spring for new beginning. Fresh and new for their new life.
(insert picture in your mind HERE)

I like the living room! That bench by the fireplace is boss. Love the way he hid the tv, it's just lovely. Pretty chandelier in dining room. The kitchen is very nice... HATE that back splash. Pretty flooring. Jackies room? DARLING! Gails room? HATE that it looks like a water bed wall. (Almost like an Oak Express weekend ad picture.) I like the mirrors on the closet doors, and I can't believe I'm saying that. Dan's presenting has improved, not one giggle.

Vern: you have improved significantly.
Candace: likes unexpected touches.

Living Room:
Vern: so many beautiful moments in this room. TV cabinet is favorite.
Gen: Purple is all you've got?

Kitchen:
Gen: It's sophisticated, it's what girls want. You gave it to them. Good job. (probably my favorite comment all season.)
Vern: back splash is a mistake. Looks unfinished at top.

Jackie's room:
Candace: She loves the palette. Lilac, cranberry, fuscia, pulled together with black and white.

Master Bedroom:
Vern: Not crazy about the built in. Vern is OK with covering the window.
Candace: likes that all the cabinetry is outside the box.

The family was overcome with joy. When Gail saw the picture of her and baby Jackie it brought tears to my eyes. Gail is absolutely overcome with delight. Hugs, tears, smiles, more hugs. Success! OK - STOP!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT??? Dan used her old bedding!! That bed cover was on when we first saw the room in the client meeting! I remember it, because I love blue and brown together and I thought, 'I like that comforter.' He reused it. THAT? Should NOT be allowed. Loss of snaps for Dan.

****

Antonio, please step forward.
The Starr family wanted little splash of color and prints. Went with eclectic modern.
(again, conjure up that photo in your head....)

Living room, Amazing! I love this room - that cabinet is beautiful - but is it fire safe? Also, he removed a closet. That part I hate. I wouldn't want a house that didn't have an entry closet. The kitchen looks SO MUCH BETTER! He changed the layout and it works so much better. It's pretty too. Miles room is cute, but the bed is nothing. It's boring. But the room is cute. (the judges are LOVING his presentation. He's so in.) master bedroom looks 100% better, but it's still a really long, awkward room. The bathroom works, although they lost a sink.

Living room:
Candace: loves wooden blinds. The patterns work, but she doesn't know why.
Vern: your space plan is off. Long narrow room, sofa makes it look longer. (Where else is he going to put it? It's a NARROW room?)
Gen: disagree with Vern. Likes the space plan. Likes Antonio!

Kitchen:
Candace: The white contrasts with the black. (She's been hanging around with Dan. They are charter members in the "What is it about that obvious fact that makes you think you need to point it out to me" Club.)

Kids room:
Vern: not enough storage.

Master Bedroom:
Gen: Just shy of being offensive, which she likes.
Candace: Likes that he tempered the bold color with cream and black.
Vern: likes that he changed the layout of the bathroom entry.

The homeowners LOVE LOVE LOVE! They are so excited about the color. The kitchen is a dream come true for them... and the floors. Mile's room they like. He seems excited. The master bedroom... he's funny about making them think he took the bathroom away. Antonio is crying.

***

And the winner is???
Antonio.
It was always Antonio.

Thanks for enjoying Design Star 4 with me!!!! Meet me back here next Summer?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Design Star Recap, week 8: Celebrity Homes

Again, missed last week. A dog that ran away on Sunday evening (whom we recovered at a local shelter on Monday, thank God) pretty much set the tone for my week - which included stomach flu and finishing up some painting in the living room. I didn't even watch the show until Tuesday... hence, a week with no blogging. Let do a quick overview of the backyard, shall we?

Torie wanted to be the project manager. Torie must never have watched "The Apprentice," or she would know that you only take PM jobs at the BEGINNING of the season. PM jobs are your ticket out unless everything goes perfectly - which wasn't going to happen this late in the season since we all knew that at least one person was going to sabotage this for Torie... narrowing down the field. PM almost always takes the fall on the losing team - and HEY! There was only ONE TEAM! There was no winning team! (They should have worked in teams of two, HGTV Design Star. Please take note.) I have to fault the judges here, because - as much as I like our little Noddy / Drummer Boy / Pinocchio character, Dan, he was the one that took this episode South. We all saw him lie. I wonder if the judges watch this episode in hindsight, see the footage they never saw before, and think they made the wrong choice? I liked the montage of presentation at the end, and Torie was a way better presenter than Dan - who is still channeling a misguided geisha when the "on-air" light is turned on. The backyard was pretty, but the homeowner could have put in a lawn themselves. It was a lot of work, don't get me wrong. However, it was merely decorated and not designed.

OK we're caught up! Let's dish.

Have you noticed that the only person they show getting out of bed seems to be Dan? Maybe that is why they picked him last week? (The certainly couldn't show Torie first thing in the morning. Nobody - especially Torie - wants to see Torie without makeup.)

There are those paint cans again! This is how they are assigned the celebrities they will work with this week. They get extra time this week, 2 carpenters, and $20,000. (do you have any idea what I could do with a room if I had 20K and two carpenters?????)

Dan is gushing WAY to hard about Jason Priestly. I guess it would be pretty exciting, but 90210 was a while ago. Wow, looks like Jason married Kelli Taylor after all - he certainly has a type! His wife is a beautiful girl, Naomi, and their daughter is darling. Dan will be decorating a nursery for their unborn son.

Lonni draws Tiffani (Amber) Thiessen. Also of 90210 fame, but more widely known for her courageous thespian challenge as Kelly Kapowski on "Saved by the Bell," Tiffani is now married and has a lovely home. We meet her husband, Brady. They are a gorgeous couple.

Antonio gets Kathy Griffin. Bwa Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Kathy loves the gays... I mean it! Kathy LOVES the gays! Getting the only straight designer is not going to please her at all. (Me either, Kath. I always want the gay designer - unless they're re-doing your kitchen. Then? ALWAYS pick the straight guy! See my Kitchen episode recap for more on this subject.) She goes for this right away, mentioning her worry that a straight guy cannot get the design job done. Sadly, I'm not feeling a love connection here - and I think Antonio was assuming Kathy would fall for his swarthy good looks and very pointy teeth.

I am loving the room that Lonni is going to decorate - that built-in cabinetry is beautiful! They want a contemporary, eclectic, traditional, not modern guest room. Lonnie can probably nail this, and as long as she stays away from her "signature" focal wall treatment she'll be fine.

Jason and wife want a beachy, nautical, cape cod, California beach house theme. Nursery / toddler room / guest room? Did I hear that correctly? I also don't think they have a nanny - because that 18 month old daughter of theirs seems to be in every shot with them, and it's distracting. But, it gives the message of "hands on parenting", as opposed to the message I send out to the world, which is "ears closed parenting." I think theirs is probably a more effective parenting style.

Kathy needs an office for her three employees. Hating the straight guy, she dogs on Antonio's camo shorts, which are strangely reminiscent of his camo man-pris that he wore a couple of episodes ago. Did he re-purpose them? She is willing to let him design away - whatever color and style he wants. Her house is pretty "less is more," in that it's not cluttered. I think he has the hardest room - because if he's not careful he'll just end up with cubicles against walls.

As we start the projects we are with Dan. Discussing things that go in a nursery.
Lonni is doing a sustainable, eco friendly guest room.
Antonio is trying to measure out the desk units.

OK, Dan just told the sales girl that he is "doing a nursery for an expectant young boy..." Ha Ha ha! And he picked out totally girly furniture. Blech.

Antonio is picking out flooring. Do they have to rip that tile out first, or level it out? Will this floor be glued to it? If so, won't that be awfully high compared to the flooring in the hallway? Inquiring minds want to know! (Inquiring minds who just happen to be obsessed with flooring right now, and let me tell you what a bitch it is to fit flooring in to a bay window area that has heat ducts... huh? Oh, right. The recap of MY life is being written on a different blog. Sorry... back to Design Star...)

Lonni shops for what I imagine is organic bamboo bedding.

Could someone please stop Dan? He's picking out GIRL FURNITURE! That trundle bed is totally Pottery Barn for Kids in the GIRL section! How is a white scalloped sleigh daybed nautical and boyish?

Antonio and his big chunky silver bangle bracelet are picking out a purple color palette.

DAY TWO:
This morning Dan gets a visit from HGTV's John Gidding! Who even Dan doesn't know, as this guy has to introduce himself! The name John Gidding means nothing to me, even after I google him. He is a designer on "Design to Sell"... which doesn't help me at all since the only designer I know from that show is Lisa Laporta. (Who has darling on-screen chemistry with Clive Pearse-never-going-to-be-Owen.) Don't have someone we might know show up for commentary - have some random guy walk in. That will be effective. I wonder if Dan even knew who this guy was? Did he have to google him too before his confession cam entry? John doesn't love Dan's ideas. John thinks light blue is an overpowering color. John is kidding, right?

Now John Gidding is with Antonio. Generic conversation.

We see Lonni shopping - and STOP! The words "Focal Wall" just came out of her mouth. Lonni? Is going home if she throws out that focal wall idea again - no matter how beautiful that wall covering is, and it is. Beautiful. John Gidding visits Lonni. You can see that she has no idea who he is, but he's cute! Please tell me that those matchstick blinds are going away?


DAY THREE:
This is the day where it all has to come together. They have 8 hours left. We see them finishing up shopping, finishing projects, getting things on the walls.

Dan has a flat screen TV over the changing table. Why? Who thinks "television" when they are decorating a nursery?

Big push to finish.

Enter Clive: "times up!"

Time for Elimination!!
(Side note: When Clive introduces the judges I have to stop. Doesn't Candace look beautiful tonight? Her arms rock, and that color on her is lovely. Vern and Genevieve look OK, but Candace is shining.)

Who is up first? Dan, please step forward.
(Who, can I tell you, I cannot picture watching for 30 minutes in a shot. Ever.)


First of all, the clients loved it. Naomi called it Delicious.
I liked it, I didn't love it. I think it didn't really have enough whimsy for me to think "kids room" when I saw it. The patterns, fabrics, and furniture (aside from the crib and top of the dresser/changing table) did not look like a kids room to me. Why would a baby / toddler want a sitting area with a television? That said, it was very pretty to look at, and the colors were soothing. It did have a coastal feeling about it.
Genevieve thought it worked on many levels. And she liked the curtains.
Candace loved the sculptural quality of the boat mobiles.
Vern liked the painting. Vern still hates Dan's giggle.
Genevieve thinks he is still a stiff presenter.


Lonnie, please step forward.


The clients LOVE LOVE LOVE this room. They want to hire her again - which I think is so cute.
I like this room, a lot. I think it's very pretty.
Vern thinks Lonni is gorgeous on camera.
Genevieve said she had a nice temperament, and Candace thought that made her sound like a labradoodle - which is funny.
Candace likes the big bang statement walls that Lonni does, but Genevieve thinks they are too repetitious.
Vern wants to know why the headboard is low. OOPS! But, overall he likes the room.


Antonio, please step forward.


Kathy isn't overwhelmed, but she likes it. He's the first straight guy she ever liked.I like the custom workstations - but WAIT!!! (and I had to rewind to see this...) The paint is not finished! Behind Kathy is the french door... if you look carefully you can see they didn't cut in around it. He didn't even finish that room!
Vern likes that Antonio has his own hosting style.
Candace just has it bad for Antonio. He's her "bullet point guy." Ha Ha.
Genevieve likes it, Candace is all over the color.
Vern said that the items might not be properly scaled.
Genevieve is waiting for something unpredictable from him.


The judges have a hard time choosing.


Dan: You designed an absolutely gorgeous space. BUT, your presenting - while energetic, feels forced. You need to relax. Perhaps watch a few episodes of Noddy, or "the Little Drummer Boy" to get your groove back.

Lonni: You gave the client what they wanted and are relaxed in front of the camera. However, even though your room was beautifully decorated, your headboard wasn't attached to the wall. We feel that since you only gave your delivery and installation people 8 hours to install that headboard and they couldn't pull it off, you can't multitask. Shame on you.

Antonio: You are unique and authentic as a host. Your color choice was fresh and so pretty we question that you are actually straight. What set us back on the right path was that you totally missed opportunities in this room to accessorize - which no gay man would have missed. Also, that rug sucked.

Lonni, (because we had the least amount of negative things to say about you this week) your show has been cancelled. Please exit the studio.

(My thoughts on this will be posted later this week. This is the third time this season that the wrong person has gone home... and it has affected the outcome of this game.)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Design Star Recap, week 6: Kid Clients

You may have noticed I missed last week, there just didn't seem to be time to get in any recapping... so lets do a quick overview? We divide in to two teams: Nathan, Lonni, and Jason (affectionately referred to as "Lonni's nightmare team") and Antonio, Torie, and Dan ("Team Which way will Antonio turn for love?")

Design and decorate the living room / dining room area for two military families.

We notice sexual tension between Antonio, Torie, and Dan - in no particular order. I'll only be surprised if Dan and Torie end up together - other than that all bets are off with that little love triangle. They clearly have the winning room, and we get to see Torie's bitch face for the first time. Nobody gives bitch face like a pissed off Southern Belle.

Nathan is out - a week premature. Should have been Will Farrell Jason. I know Nathan spent 21 hours making that HIDEOUS storage unit from 1972, but at least he rocked the individual white room challenge. Jason hasn't rocked anything yet. At all. He's a flaming ball of tchotchke love. Which might be fine in real life, but "doesn't translate well to TV," as the judges like to say. And isn't that why we're here?

Does that about catch us up

We're down to 5 designers - which seems awfully sudden doesn't it?

We open with a shot of Dan waking up. After breakfast Clive (Pearse, still not Owens, damn it) calls for Paintcans in the workroom! Torie is sporting heavy duty make up today, wow. Girl must not want to lose her man.

Confession cam of Antonio... Good Lord, how did I not ever notice his incisors before? They're even more pointy and sharp looking than mine. If he and I ever had children they would look like vampires. What? Random tangent? Where? Oh, right, Antonio likes the thought of doing a kids room.

Lonni and Jason are both excited about having a carpenter. Methinks for different reasons

Dan looks handsome today, except for that hat. So, about Dan... can we talk? You know that nagging feeling that you have where you feel like you've seen him before? Design Star isn't Dan's first foray in to entertainment. Dan is MUCH much older than we first thought, which I figured out when I discovered that Dan has been in the entertainment industry since he was a child! I suspect pictures of him in two of his more famous roles might help clear up the mystery for you:



Glad I could help.

In the van on the way to the houses they discuss decorating kids rooms. They all want someone young. Well, sure they do. Young kids are impressed with a cardboard box in the middle of the room. "FORT!" "Dollhouse!" They don't care if it's rope on the walls or sandpaper flooring (although Vern might give them creativity points for that)... it's all about the cardboard box. You get someone over the age of 8 and things get a little trickier.

Lonni gets a 17 year old sports fan Nicco - not what she wanted. His interests include baseball, hanging out with friends, and being 17.
Antonio gets 5 year old Connor. Antonio is trying to talk to Connor like he's a person. Honey, 5 year olds aren't people yet. They have mom's to answer their questions... all you need is a cardboard box and you win.
Dan gets 11 yo Helena. Eco Friendly, earth colors. She's the recycler in the family.
Jason screams like a girl on prom night when he gets Paulina ,17, who wants a princess room. Talk about typecasting.
Torie's client is Carina, who is 8. Carina is artistic and wants an artists loft.

This is where I must come to a SCREECHING halt. Do any of you have daughters? Quick - what is missing in the girls' rooms? Nothing? Well, I have two daughters and we practically need a guest bedroom for all of the stuffed animals around here - there are three girls are on this show and I didn't see any. The authenticity of Design Star has been compromised. These aren't their real bedrooms at all! These are the works of the Haverhill Stagers that always advertise on this show. "Make it look like a little girls room, make it look lived in." I'm giving Design Star an eye roll here - I'm on to you!

OK, back on track...

Dan meets Paco the carpenter. Dan is excited to finally be the one going shopping.

Antonio and Michael the carpenter are going to make a dinosaur cave.

Jason meets Eric the carpenter. Princess Puff Jason needs 'big help'. No kidding. Now, whereas the other designers have noted their carpentry notes down on paper, Jason feels the need to tape off the design on the wall. WTF? Good thing he's not designing eco-princess's room, right? All that wasted tape! Seriously, what is he doing, trying to figure out scale? Dude, you don't have time to waste taking that damn tape back down... plus is the carpenter supposed to build to fit inside the lines? Can't you hear Jason in his pink tux shirt? "Build something that fits in this blue space."

Nicco's room is a disaster area. Chair rails are still nailed up in places... the walls are all scuffed up.... is that a hole by the closet? If your kid was going to be on Design Star as a client wouldn't you at least have him hang up his clothes? Run the vacuum? Oh, right - not if you were STAGING it to look like a lived in teen bedroom!

Torie is going for the fabric wall. That could be pretty. I think she's going to rock this challenge. Torie loves that she is designing a room for a little girl. Torie has a Steal Magnolias feeling about her, right?

Antonio gets the mom vote, under bed storage! I've decided he's not really "shame f%$k" material (although Lonni and Dan obviously don't share my clear vision)... but you gotta love that he thought about where to put the toys.

Jason gets back to the room and the carpenter has been doing what? Nothing? What is wrong with him. He's fired.

OK, Lonni? Can we talk? LOOK at that room - I suspect that back half might be an addition. You can see a wall seam right about where the floor changes in one shot. Stop moaning and go get some flooring. Like it's hard.

Antonio is doing the most construction wise, he's making a little cave.

Jason hires a new carpenter... perhaps this one isn't an obvious homophobe. (Tell me you didn't notice that about Eric? He HATED Jason!)


Day Two, and here's David Bromsted!! Torie would totally be his hag if he'd have her.

He talks to the designers. Wow! Dan is so much taller than him, I didn't realize Noddy was that tall. 'I'm challenging you Dan!" (wink wink)

Day two is looking pretty rough for the designers... don't they look tired?

Jason's chandelier is darling.

Dan is thrift shopping. (Ewww.)

Jason is not finding a rug. Why does it have to be a pattern, can't it be black. IS HE CRYING?

Dan is re-purposing a gumball machine. Does that make is sound important? To REPURPOSE it? How about "re-objectify", "re-function", or "re-create"? I sort of hate the word re-purpose.

Lonni is freaking out about the paint. She should, it looks like hell.

WTF is all over Jason's window? He was talking to carpentry boy v.2.0 about doing cutouts around the wall - which would have been cute - and now it looks like Tashica snuck in there and had her way with the craft paint.

I like what Torie is doing with the girl's name. Her cut out is cute, and the lights are great.

I like the gigantic dino stickers Antonio is using, but will the judges think he's taking the easy way out?

Day Three! We see them grabbing breakfast to eat in the van. I wonder if Torie had time to reapply the makeup this morning? (Can you even look at Dan now and not see Noddy??)

OK, Jason's "headboard" is ghetto. Do we envision that Princess Diana would have thumbtack and place mats above her bed? No, Jason, we don't. You can't
just hang up a chandelier and call it Royal.

Torie just screwed up - that fabric is hideous. ONE fabric, maybe two, pleated would have been SO elegant and creative. All those pieces stapled up? No.

Watching everyone throwing things out the door as they say "times up" is hilarious! Seriously chucking stuff out the doors!


Ahhh, the judging!
Who's room is on the chopping block first?


Antonio: Dodi said Cute cute cute bed. It's good. Good little boy bedroom.
Candace said he is the Tony Soprano of design. (Is that a compliment?)
Genevieve points out what was missing in his presenting. (Intelligence?)
Vern likes the storage ideas under the bed.
Genevieve thinks the room was successful.


Torie:
Dodi said: I like it mostly, the fabric blows.
Genevieve called her presentation style "roboto". (I'm guessing, that's not positive?)
Candace likes the "risk" she took with the bed. How is an ordinary loft bed a risk? I want to look at Candace and say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Genevieve is being a little bit of a bitch tonight with her creative criticism. "I'm so tired of the client saying a color and the designer putting it on the wall." THIS was the time for Torie to step up and bitch slap back with, "The client said she liked green, blue, and red. CLEARLY I've used HELIOTROPE in place of normal green - so back off you uninspiring wretch."
Vern is mentoring her on pulling back with the colors. (and maybe the attitude! In my imaginary scenario Torie did seem a little out of control.)


Jason:
Dodi said: Wait, I thought the room was going to be hot pink. What's shocking about leaving it the same color?
(During the televising of the finished design, Genevieve flashed a bitch face... ha ha.)
Candace calls him a cream puff, and then tried to make it sound like it was a compliment.
Vern hates the room. Vern said it was for the Princess from the Kingdom of No Imagination! HaHa!


Lonni:
Dodi says the home plate wall is cool, tool chest is cool. It's nice, but the painting and trim work is awful! (Lonni's finish work often has all the charm of an unfinished basement.) However, Lonni is a good presenter.
Vern said he liked it, but don't get used to being the feature wall girl.
Genevieve liked it.
Candace thought Lonni was a good presenter.



Dan:
I like this room, it bright and fun. The window seat, desk, dresser combo worked for me. So cute. Client loves it!
Vern points out the giggling. (Dan giggles like a school girl when he's nervous.)
Candace loves the gumball machine light.
Vern hates the headboard. Said it reminded him of day-after-garage-sale refuse.
Genevieve thinks it's too bright. Maybe that looks different when it isn't on my beautiful HDTV? Because I think it's not too bright. The girl has vision problems, after all.

And it's time to deliberate!I wish we knew whose rooms they were talking about?

Antonio and Lonni, good job.

Dan, Torie, Jason please step forward.
Dan, we only saw fragments of your ideas and your nervous giggling makes you sound like an unskilled Geisha.
Torie, the judges think you are unimaginative and have cadaverous presenting skills.
Jason, blah blah big idea blah blah horrible room, but good hosting skills. Too bad you suck otherwise you big, gay windbag.


Jason, your show has been cancelled.

So, I guess we'll never know what Will Farrell's face would look like if he won Design Star.Or maybe Will will make it back to guest host on Saturday Night live and we'll all find out!?